There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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