Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
