Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
