im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
