I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
