I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I understand Curling. That high.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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