They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
