I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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