I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
