I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
