my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
