I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
