too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
