i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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