Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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