i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
