I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
