oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
