Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
