Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
