we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
