beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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