Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
