I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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