I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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