i don't like sucking hair
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
