Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I believe in your delicious
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
