I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My ass is underappreciated
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
