You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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