dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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