I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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