Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
