Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
