I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
