I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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