marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
