You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
