i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
