I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
