just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
