I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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