Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
