I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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