Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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