omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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