I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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