I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
