why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
