I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
