ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Randomize
